Reflections on New Year's Eve

This New Year's Eve I am spending it alone in Colfax WI with my dog, Maxine and my grand puppy, Juno. Who would have thought a year ago that I would be living in Wisconsin and that my daughter, Lacey, would be a dog owner? I naturally assumed that I would be born and die in Minnesota, but life can change very quickly. Lacey has never really liked dogs, but now she has a cocker spaniel puppy named Juno. One thing I have learned in this life is never say never.

I can remember very few New Year's Eves. They all seem to melt into the next; probably because most of the time I am in bed before midnight. However, there are three that I do remember. The first is Y2K (2000) because the world feared that everything would fall to pieces. I also remember it because we had a fire at my dad's farm and drank Cold Duck (for my husband's sake), and my dad actually stood out by the fire with us at midnight. I will never forget that night (I hope). We all waited for the countryside to go dark at midnight, and it didn't happen. My dad would have been 86 at the time. The next one I remember was spent at our friend's house in Osakis, MN. We spent the evening at Mikko and Tudy's house with a fire in their wood burning fireplace, and our daughter Olivia was there. She slept on the floor in front of the fire with their cat, Clawdy (who is no longer with us). At midnight there was music, and we sang Auld Lang Syne. The last one I remember was two years ago when my daughter, Tahnee, and I were in Guatemala. This one is hard to beat, and I can't imagine what could surpass it. We were in Antigua, and we met my former Spanish teacher, Blanca, and her two daughters. We took them out to eat and then walked around the central park for awhile. After they left, Tahnee and I walked through the streets amazed by all the people. The streets were packed, and we watched some dancers. There were whole families out enjoying the evening. At midnight, the lights on the arch changed from 2009 to 2010, and there were fireworks. Also, we listened to the crowd countdown from ten to one in Spanish.

We then quickly went back to our room to try to get a little sleep before heading back to Minnesota early the next morning.

Thought for the day: Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors and let every new year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin

A Weekend With Melody

Due to her parents having Christmas parties to attend, Melody was able to spend last weekend with us in our new home in Wisconsin. The last time she was here, there was no furniture. This time it seemed a bit more like Grandma's house.

Our first item of business was stopping at the Menomonie library to get books and movies. We found both, the movies being both Barbie themed. Those movies were watched several times over the course of two days. She is in that stage when Barbie is all it. I do wish for the sake of the adults that have to watch them along with the children that the plot could be mixed up a bit. It is always the sweet sugar coated Barbie characters and some type of evil witch figure. The witch always has a bumbling inept assistant. Of course, in the end, Barbie always reigns. She was especially fond of the Diamond Castle movie because one of the characters was named Melody.

Since is was close to Christmas, we did a few rounds of Jingle Bells on the banjo, piano and bell. Brian, myself and Melody took turns on the different instruments.

We also took a walk downtown to the train museum which always fascinates her. She especially is amazed by being able to walk across the actual tracks before we reach the old trains. When we told her one of the cars was 100 years old, she was shocked! It was built before her great Grandpa Peterson was born, and it was nice to see her equate time with Grandpa Peterson.

We walked to the restaurant for dinner Friday evening and downtown on Saturday evening for ice cream. There were Christmas decorations along the way, and she recognized our house when she saw the star hanging from the streetlight in front. So we gave her a little taste of small town living. She also found the drawer where we keep our change which prompted a couple walks to the dollar store.

Melody always tells me that she will wear me out and does a good job at fulfilling that.

Thought for the day: A Garden of Love grows in a Grandmother's heart.

snapshots of Colfax

Colfax WI is a village with a population of about 1200 and is located about 20 miles from Eau Claire, Chippewa Falls or Menomonie. I have learned that Wisconsin residents love football (or shall I say the Packers), hunting and drinking. You can buy alcohol here in all the grocery stores and even on Sundays. Of course, people everywhere enjoy drinking; they just don't seem to be ashamed of it. Every day the noon whistle blows in Colfax which I find charming. There is a local grocery store, two banks, two bars, post office and a public library. The people are very friendly and welcoming.

Today I walked our dog to the end of Main Street and back. While doing so, I snapped a few photos of the village. The library is located in an old building that reminds me so much of the elementary school I attended. Their claim to fame is that they are at the halfway point between the North Pole and the Equator.

I do feel at home here in Colfax; perhaps it is because I grew up on a farm and attended school and church in a small MN town. I guess when it gets right down to it, people and places really aren't that much different.

Thought for the day: The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The Beverly Hillbillies??

We officially closed on our home in Colfax WI on October 28th; however, the actual moving process has been done in steps. Since Brian was working here and moved in before I did, some items were sent with him. Each time I came out here, my little VW Beetle would be loaded to the max. Once I got a job in the area and officially moved to Colfax, I had a professional mover bring all the large items as well as some tubs and boxes.

This past weekend we returned to Alexandria together so Brian could get his wonderful 1978 Ford truck that was given to him by his good friend, Bill Ellenberger. We loaded up the back of the truck with bikes, chairs, skis, etc and hoped he would actually make it through the Twin Cities and back to Colfax.

Before he pulled out, I snapped a couple photos because it reminded me of either the Beverly Hillbillies or perhaps the Depression era where families piled into their vehicles along with every thing they owned and headed out West in hope of a better life.

Those who know us would not be surprised that we would have to at least have one part of our moving experience be crazy and unique.

Thought for the day: He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. Raymond Hull

My friend, Lois

When I was in high school, somehow I met this girl named Lois Lee. She is what some might call "special" in that she can function in the world but not at the capacity that most of us can. She did graduate from high school and has always worked in her adult life as a dishwasher. I would occasionally see her at The Brass Lantern restaurant over the years. I accompanied her to our 25th class reunion, and she knew how to work the room.

In 2004 we moved to a different home on the same street in Alexandria, and much to my surprise Lois lived right next door with her mother. Her mother lived on the main floor while Lois had an apartment upstairs and ate meals downstairs. She now was working at Perkins where she still is employed. She was so excited that I was going to be her neighbor! She got to know my daughters and eventually my granddaughters. About two years ago due to her mother's age and condition, it was decided that Lois should move to a group home setting so she was no longer officially my neighbor, but we still visited and kept in touch.

Now her mother lives in assisted living, and Lois has moved to an apartment. For the first time in her adult life, she is living totally on her own with help from a few people. Now we have moved, but I did stop and visit Lois at her new place when in Alexandria last weekend. She is quite proud of her place and is learning to cook. Before heading back to Wisconsin, I dropped off a few kitchen items that I didn't need any longer. It makes me feel good to know that some of my stuff is now being used by a good friend who is embarking on a new adventure.

Thought for the day: If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching or Cool one pain, or Help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain. Emily Dickinson

Opposites

This picture says it all: Opposites do attract

Just Some Quotes

I ran across some quotes on Stumble that sum up where I'm at right now so am simply sharing them.

She turned her can'ts into cans, and her dreams into plans

She took the leap and built her wings on the way down

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do so throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

you'll never leave where you are, until you decide where you would rather be.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear.

enough said

Missing in Action

It seems that I fell into some type of abyss and haven't been able to put down my thoughts until now. On July 5th my husband, Brian, started a new job with Progressive Rail and began working out of Chippewa Falls WI.

For some reason, this change really threw me off balance. He has worked out of town in the past, but at that time I still had children at home or my dad around. Now my life revolves around Brian and our home. While being glad that he found this job and really loves it, I was feeling very unhappy and lost. I really felt the winds of change blowing and resisted them.

Once I allowed myself to go with those winds and realized my current way of life may have to be altered, I was filled with peace.

It dawned on me that perhaps this isn't where I belong any longer. My children and parents are gone so the only thing holding us here is our home. There are other homes so now we are embarking on a new adventure.

More to come in the future.

Thought for the day: When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu

The Grand and Glorious Fourth

The 4th of July has always been my favorite holiday. This year was very special because I was able to share it with my girls. We started out with our annual lunch at Just Like Grandma's in Osakis. This is a tradition that started when they were young girls, and we would go with my mother. Now we are bringing their children.

It was a hot weekend so we all went to Latoka Beach which is another spot that I used to take them as children. On Sunday evening we took Melody to the fairgrounds for the fireworks. We first had to sit through about an hour of stock car races. We attempted to convince her that maybe we should just go home, but she was determined to see them. She did state that never again in her life would she sit through any car races. The other battle was mosquitoes; in fact, a woman near us offered us $5.00 to use our bug spray. We were kind and let her use it for free!!

On Monday, which was actually the 4th, we continued another tradition by attending the parade in West Union. This is a very tiny town which has a nice park, maybe 15 homes and a bar/restaurant. On the 4th, however, the town swells with people. There is a small parade and lots of candy thrown out for the children. After the parade, there is a potluck in the park which is so reminiscent of days gone by. There is also a water pump in the park that spews out wonderful well water, and it was a new experience for Melody.

So again it was a wonderful summer holiday not filled with expectations of gifts and obligations but one of sheer joy.

Thought for the day: The years go by, and love grows with each memory we make. Flavia

Tribute to my dad

Today is Father's Day so I have chosen to dedicate a post to my dad who passed away a little over two years ago. His name was Kenneth Peterson, and he lived to the age of 95 so he had a good long life. The amazing part is I didn't come into his life until he was the age of 46 so to have had each other for that long was truly a miracle.

My dad grew up poor in a family of nine surviving children. His mother was crippled with arthritis and in a wheelchair, and his father struggled to make a living from the farm. Upon graduation from high school, he headed to Iowa to spend some time with his sister and try to find odd jobs. He enlisted in the Marines and was aboard the Nevada during the Pearl Harbor attack. Upon returning to Minnesota after the war, he bought a farm and worked a few more odd jobs. In 1958, he married Idella who was a single mother raising three children. In 1959 I came along. There were some difficulties with dad stepping in to help raise her children and then a new baby at a late age. Somehow it all worked out, and for the most part I remember a good childhood. My mother passed away unexpectedly at the age of 78 so he was alone once again for the last years of his life.

Now that I am older (and wiser), I realize just how much I must have meant to him coming into his life at a time when most people are winding down with raising a family. He was always very protective of me and now I understand. He wasn't a perfect man and made mistakes as we all do, but we had a very special relationship. I miss him very much and wish I could give him a hug today and express my father's day wishes.

Some of the things he used to tell me are pretty funny: when they were leaving me alone at home, his advice was always "don't sit on the counter and don't put beans in your nose." When I acted bored his would tell me to watch a couple documentaries such as "Basket Weaving in the Baja Peninsula" or "The Phillips Screwdriver, a tool for today." When he and my mother would drive around on Sunday afternoons to look at farms, I would tag along in the backseat. If I got cranky about it, he would threaten to take me to Westport to look at the TV tower. Another thing I remember him saying quite often was "it's only money." That has helped me quite a bit when getting too concerned about the things of this world.

My dad was witty, well informed and tender hearted. He wasn't rich or famous, but he was my dad and that's enough.

Thought for the day: It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. Anne Sexton

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

My daughter, Olivia, moved a couple weeks ago and wanted to plant a garden. Last Saturday I went to visit and help with the garden project. There was no existing garden spot so we needed to make that happen. She went online and found a rental agency because the first item of business was to till the garden. With research it was determined that we would need the rear tine tiller which was much larger and not able to be transported in the back of their car. She was able to borrow a larger vehicle from a friend. Ultimately, we had to rent a trailer as well due to the size of the tiller. After a few brief instructions it was time to haul the tiller home and "get er done".

Thanks to Olivia's neighbor, Connie, we were able to get the tiller started. We put our heads together and figured out how to use the levers and got the task done. We had the tiller for two hours, but we were able to accomplish it in about 1 1/2 hours so we quite proudly returned the trailer and tiller. The next task was buying the plants, determining the layout and putting up a rabbit fence. It took the whole afternoon to finish the entire project, but we did it!!

We both felt quite a sense of accomplishment and got a big boost to our self confidence. Now let's hope the garden flourishes and yields a grand harvest.

Thought for the day: Life on the planet is born of woman. Adrienne Rich

Mother Duck

This past Sunday evening, my husband took our dog for a walk. When he returned to the house, he told me that there was a mother duck going crazy in the street near our house. My friend, Sue, was visiting at the time; the three of us headed over to see what was happening. The poor mother was in a frenzy, and we could hear peeping. It turns out that her six ducklings all went down the sewer drain.

Brian and Sue went back to our house to call the police to see if any thing could be done while I kept watch. Sue returned with a fishing net and was able to slip it through the grates and ultimately retrieved four ducklings. The other two had wandered further down the pipes, and we no longer heard them. Mother duck was so happy to have the four back, and she wandered off. A police officer did stop, and he told us that they get at least one call a year about ducklings having dropped through the sewer grates.

While I was keeping watch, a car stopped and out stepped this older black woman. She said to me, "What is wrong with Mama?" I told her what had happened, and she shared the concern. Then after the ducklings were safely back with their mother, I was snapping a photo of them near the Viking Towers housing complex. A black man was sitting outside and asked what had happened. When I told him the story, his reply was "thank you for doing that; you are Godly to have done that."

So I learned some very important lessons during this ordeal. We are all alike in some ways, and when events like this happen it brings us together. I also noticed the irony in that without mankind mother duck would have lost those ducklings, but on the other hand, if it hadn't been for mankind there would be no sewer drains. It's a complicated world!

Thought for the day: In each of us, there is a little of all of us. George Lichtenberg

Ode to Summer

Just a brief note to celebrate the arrival of summer. While it's not officially summer yet, the earth and air is oozing with new birth, green, birds, insects and heat. It was close to 95 degrees yesterday and possibly will repeat that today. Not a word of complaint will be uttered; just turn the fans up and curtail activity.

If I look back at my March posts and try to imagine the process of simply surviving the long winter, it's very difficult to capture those feelings. I have moved on to a different season and with that, I have lost those feelings of despair. Seems a reflection of our own lives, does it not? For every thing there is a season, and we need to experience them all in order to fully become ourselves.

Thought for the day: The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe; to match your nature with nature. Joseph Campbell

Church of the Open Porch

Today is my 52nd birthday, and I began it by doing two of my favorite things--drinking coffee and sitting on my front porch. In a matter of minutes I witnessed a crow trying to balance on the evergreen branch and a scene of two regular squirrels and one black squirrel fighting for position on a tree. Seems like things work the same way in their world--the black squirrel was aced out and pushed into the street.

These days I prefer to spend Sunday mornings on the porch rather than in the church pew. This is all part of my spiritual journey. Life began in the Lutheran church where I spent thirty years of my trek. I then began to question some of their practices and went on to a non-denominational church where I spent about ten years before once again my curious and questioning nature took over. All of these experiences were necessary in my journey, and I'm grateful for all the memories and lessons learned. However, at this point I don't miss the standard church experience and am very satisfied with seeing God in nature. I don't feel close to what I currently perceive as God in a building, but when I am in nature and still is when I feel enveloped by some thing larger than myself.

Having the freedom of religion that this country has should include the ability to choose to find spiritual fulfillment on your own front porch. We cannot know what is in another's heart; we only need to work on finding peace in our own.

Thought for the day: I am so absorbed in the wonder of earth and the life upon it that I cannot think of heaven and angels. Pearl S. Buck

It's A Miracle!

Today I sat on my front porch, drank coffee and watched the birds. These are the simple things I waited for in the depths of winter. Today the windows were open, the birds were singing, the grass is green, daffodils and tulips are blooming. All things that a short while ago seemed like an impossibility. So I guess Mother Nature is still on schedule and doing just fine.

Thought for the day: The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle. Anais Nin

Losing Hope

No, I haven't actually lost hope. What we did lose was our sweet gentle spirited cat, Hope. She left us yesterday morning after having been a part of our lives for 18 years.

We got her as a kitten from Minnie Osterholt who lived on a farm near Nelson, MN where I grew up. My girls and I went to pick out a kitten, and the one we wanted kept running away. So we picked a black and white one that stayed put. We brought her home in one of Minnie's egg baskets. One of the first things Hope did was get her head stuck in a small hole on the back of our stove. I figured out how to get her out by taking one ear out at a time.

She was a very quiet cat; she never meowed. The only time she made alot of noise is when she went "sock hunting" and then she let out a loud primal sound. If she was outside and wanted to get in, she wouldn't make a sound; just look in the window until you noticed.

She loved to be touched and always purred. In fact, she purred up until her last moments. When she was taken to the vet this past winter, the staff tried to get her to stop purring so they could listen to her lungs.

We noticed over the past couple months that she wasn't acting quite herself, and these past two weeks she rapidly went downhill. She lost weight, ate less, changed her station from the chair to the couch. Her breathing was very labored this past week, and we checked on her frequently. Yesterday I looked at her and then went outside to do some chores and upon coming back in a few minutes later, she was gone. I held her for awhile, and then we placed her in the basement until our daughter, Olivia, could get home. She sewed a beautiful burial bag for Hope, and we placed her in the ground with some photos and our thoughts of her (along with a can of tuna provided by Olivia).

The loss didn't quite hit me until early this morning when I awoke to feel the vacuum in the house which was the emptiness of no longer having this gentle quiet spirit in our midst. She didn't say much, but she was always there simply watching our lives.

There is no plan to replace her; it wouldn't be possible to do so. We will just live with our sweet memories of a black and white furball that loved to purr.

Thought for the day: The only beautiful thing in the world whose beauty lasts forever is a pure, fair soul. Bram Stoker

One Step Ahead

As we near the middle of March, and the winds are gusting to 45 mph, I continue to stay one step ahead of depression. I say one step ahead because so far I haven't totally stopped functioning or taken permanently to my bed. There is the feeling, however, that if I took one misstep, I'd be over the edge of the cliff trying to crawl out of the pit.

Last night I went to bed at 7:30 and slept 12 hours. That is where I feel the most safe when my life comes to this point. There is no place like my bed snuggled under three blankets with the knowledge that all is well here. Today I have managed to get a few things done around the house; some moments I sit and stare ahead unable to get up and do the other chores that beckon me. There is also the feeling that I could begin weeping at any moment, but it never comes.

So maybe I'll just head for that safe place again and charge my inner strength so I am able to once again face what life has in store for me today.

Thought for the day: Keep breathing.......Sophie Tucker

The Sting of Winter

Snow is again falling on this bleak March morning. My soul is crying out and asking, will it ever end? I feel like a black hole opened up in December, and I have been trying to crawl out ever since. I find myself longing for the day when I can again sit on my front porch, feel the fresh breezes and hear the birds chirping. I'm wondering if the perennials will ever again burst forth from the now frozen ground. My hands want to grab clumps of dirt, and my feet are missing their connection to the earth.

Even though my rational mind tells me that in just a few short weeks, all this will come to pass, my soul doesn't believe it. It's like being in the throes of depression where rationality goes out the window.

The days are getting longer, and a couple of weeks from now we will again turn our clocks ahead, and we will begin to see glimmers of the hope of springtime. The question remains: will my rational mind impel me to savor every spring moment? Or will the routine of life again take over and cause me to miss what I am so longing for today? Time will tell.

Thought for the day: If we are not truly ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything. Thich Naht Hahn

With New Eyes

An old photo album from my mother's side of the family occupied a spot on the shelf of my parents' home for as long as I can remember. It now has a home on my bookshelf. I have looked at that album numerous times throughout the years, but this week when I looked at the photos, it was as if I had new eyes.

The people seemed to come to life again, and I saw details that have always been there but previously escaped my attention. For the first time I noticed what they were wearing, saw the backgrounds, looked intently at faces and into their eyes. The looks on their faces seemed to indicate they felt those moments would last forever, but now almost 100 years have passed since those photos were taken. This made me realize that the photos we take today most likely hold the same look and just as these people are now long gone, so we will be someday. Yet we often live our days as if we believe our time will not come to an end. It's an odd human trait.

It also occurred to me that even though most of these photos were most likely taken between 1920 to 1950, they were very clear. Another amazing revelation was that these were poor rural folks and yet had access to a camera and the means to develop photographs. I also lamented the fact that I hadn't asked my mother more about the names and circumstances, and now it's too late.

My intention is to make scrapbooks of all these old photos so they can be enjoyed for years to come, and these people will not be forgotten.

Thought for the day: We do not remember days, we remember moments.....Cesare Pavese

Spa Day

My yoga teacher, Wanda, has been taking some massage classes. She mentioned that she needed to "practice" so a few of us willingly signed up. Then we decided it would be even more fun to have other events going on while people cycled through their massages. So this morning at my house we had an informal spa day.

My friends Sue and Pam did facials and mini pedicures while I did foot massages. We started at 9:00 a.m. and ended about 1:00 p.m. Of course, we had rolls, muffins, fruit, wassail, tea, coffee, etc. It made us all feel truly alive and refreshed; what a wonderful way to spend a winter day.

Thought for the day: May you live all the days of your life..Jonathan Swift

Memories of my mom

Today I am especially remembering my mom because it was 13 years ago that she left us. Some times it seems like yesterday and other times like forever since I last saw her. She was healthy and functioning up until the day she got ill so there really wasn't much time for understanding that our time together was done.

My mom was always a hard worker who believed in doing things right. She was generally quiet and went about her business without much ado. When her first marriage ended in the 1950s, and she came back home with three children, I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for her. She cared about what others thought so to face the stigma of divorce at at time when that was rare must have been horrific for her. However, she stuck to it and got a good job and took care of her children. She ultimately remarried (which is how I came about), continued her job for 25 years before retiring and thoroughly enjoyed her new home and farm life. The influence she had on my children can't be described, and I am so thankful for that.

It wasn't until after she was gone that I realized what a simple person she was and just how much she did for all of us. Often on Sundays I can almost smell the roast beef dinner and just feel what it was to spend an afternoon at home. Sure wish I would have helped more and given her more hugs.

Here's to the memory of a wonderful lady.

Thought for the day: To live in hearts we leave behind

Is not to die......Thomas Campbell