One Step Ahead

As we near the middle of March, and the winds are gusting to 45 mph, I continue to stay one step ahead of depression. I say one step ahead because so far I haven't totally stopped functioning or taken permanently to my bed. There is the feeling, however, that if I took one misstep, I'd be over the edge of the cliff trying to crawl out of the pit.

Last night I went to bed at 7:30 and slept 12 hours. That is where I feel the most safe when my life comes to this point. There is no place like my bed snuggled under three blankets with the knowledge that all is well here. Today I have managed to get a few things done around the house; some moments I sit and stare ahead unable to get up and do the other chores that beckon me. There is also the feeling that I could begin weeping at any moment, but it never comes.

So maybe I'll just head for that safe place again and charge my inner strength so I am able to once again face what life has in store for me today.

Thought for the day: Keep breathing.......Sophie Tucker

The Sting of Winter

Snow is again falling on this bleak March morning. My soul is crying out and asking, will it ever end? I feel like a black hole opened up in December, and I have been trying to crawl out ever since. I find myself longing for the day when I can again sit on my front porch, feel the fresh breezes and hear the birds chirping. I'm wondering if the perennials will ever again burst forth from the now frozen ground. My hands want to grab clumps of dirt, and my feet are missing their connection to the earth.

Even though my rational mind tells me that in just a few short weeks, all this will come to pass, my soul doesn't believe it. It's like being in the throes of depression where rationality goes out the window.

The days are getting longer, and a couple of weeks from now we will again turn our clocks ahead, and we will begin to see glimmers of the hope of springtime. The question remains: will my rational mind impel me to savor every spring moment? Or will the routine of life again take over and cause me to miss what I am so longing for today? Time will tell.

Thought for the day: If we are not truly ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything. Thich Naht Hahn